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Saturday, October 31, 2009

im sick of everything..

yst morning i felt so sick..
chest felt pain and heavy..
didnt wanna go sch but forced myself to cos had CRS to do..
otw to sch no mood, in sch also no mood..

den shermann reminded me bout the attachment allowance..
dampened my mood further..
cos im the only one who hasnt received the first batch of allowance..
:'(
den tot he will make me feel better but no!!
made me feel worst instead..and he cud still laugh after i told him he made me feel worst..
thx alot for tt..
tsk..

anyway reached home and AGAIN no food..
mummy wanted to fry me egg but i ignored her and straight away
changed to go jogging..
after jogging cudnt breathe normally..
chest felt painful..
it took bout more than 1 hour b4 i cud breathe normally again..
ouh and fik cancelled her plan to come over to my area cos of the rain..
wasted..
hmm but its okie there's always nxt time :)

den at night darn bored while waiting for my laptop
to complete scanning for threats..
so i texted a sweet msg to 44 people in my contacts..
nothing to do mah so decided to brighten up their day/night :P
hehehe..

*trying to redeem urself again??take a hike dude*

12:49 AM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Thursday, October 29, 2009

im who i am so dont give me tt look..

woah im so mad at those stupid judgemental malays!!
this is my life, my body..
i have every right to wear watever i want..
so dont give me tt look jus cos of wat i was wearing today..
*roll eyes*

you!
i tink u're jus jealous cos u cant wear the kinda clothes i wore..
seeing how "dirty" ur arms are..
tts the only reason there cud ever be..
hah!!
tsk nonsense!!

anyway at least ive gt a gd heart..
wat u see outside may not necessarily determine wat is inside..

7:57 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

wish i cud stay away..

today was pretty boring..
had 2-hour lecture only..
stayed in sch to talk to jolyn and company..
den while they discussed their CRS,
i read my notes and did my tutorial..

met mir at bugis..
gosh i felt so out of place clad in fbt and oversized tshirt..
-_-"
but ouh well..
den we headed down to seng kang to have dinner..
my FIRST proper meal after more than a wk..
seriously, i haven had rice for more than a wk!!
(call me crazy if need to but eating is a chore to me)

anyway reached home and all the shit starts..
if it wasnt chohari making a din,
it'd be my bro and his wife..
wth..
quarrel quarrel and quarrel..
no peace at all..
i ALMOST lost my temper and wanted to bloody shout at both of them..
i was tt close to bursting out!!
but i managed to contain it in..

sigh..
at times like this i jus wish i cud stay away frm home..
besides, each time i reached home the past few days,
it doesnt feel like home..
nah watever..

*are u.....??do u.....??why shld i care??ouh wait..maybe cos u lied??HMPH LIAR*

9:20 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

BEAUTIFUL DAY

today is such a wonderful day for me..
class start at 1.30 but i met khairul during his lunch..
hahaha..
he damn funny la..
i laughed a lot sia..
so anyway slacked with him till arnd 1pm or slightly b4..
great time with him tho we'd only been frens for
7 weeks and counting??
thx khairul for spending time with me
:)

den met mamat after tt and he slacked with me till 1.30pm..
he brought apple for me..
thank goodness cos i didnt get to eat my papaya today..
hehehe..
thx mamat..
:)

den didnt pay much attention during lecture..
was talking crap instead..
wahahaha..
but tutorial i concentrated leh!

after sch met hafidz..
he waited for me sey..
hehehe..
thx dude!!
so overall great day!!!

8:08 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Monday, October 26, 2009

great monday

wth..
i realised tt most of my frens' blogs are all DEAD!!
gosh!!
ppl come on..
keep ur blogs alive!!

anyway had a pretty gd day..
saw owen in the morning at mac but i was late for class
so decided not to say hi but texted him instead..
hahaha

den during break ate at fc3..
(i only had a papaya)
saw khairul..
but pretended not to see him..
wahahaha..
den i saw shermann's short fren as well..
i dunno wats his name..
hmm..but he's really short and small size (and he's 20yrs old!!he looks like a small kid)

cool rite..
i saw three of my attachment frens today..
hehehe..
ok i noe there's nothing cool bout tt..
-_-"

hmm anyway great day..
tmr will be better i hope
:)

10:11 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Friday, October 23, 2009

all sorts of feeling..

took lots and lots and lots of pics today..

had a pretty gd day

until......

you, yes YOU!!

spoilt my mood..

ure jus a liar and a pretender..

i cant express how mad i am at u but the anger i felt made

me confused instead..

cos all i cud ask myself was "why??"

why the hell did u say wat u said??

anyway watever..

reached home mummy didnt cook

AGAIN..

and she said she'll cook me some sausages to eat..

(not in the mood for sausages)

thus my mood dampened further..

so went jogging to release all the stress, discontentment and anger..

came back sweaty like shit and didnt eat anything..

den went online to upload pics on fb and there YOU were..

trying to redeem urself i suppose..

watever la..

i dont care anymore..

do watever u want..

anyway here're some of my favorite pics taken today

8:28 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

keeping myself occupied

today went to sch for a mere 2 hours..
so now im alrdy at home with nothing to do..
wanted to read up my notes but guess i'll do it later..
hmm..

i kinda miss so and so at times..
but i force myself not to..
so im trying to keep myself occupied..
cool..
my lil bro's back..
i wanna ask him to play badminton with me..
and perhaps i'll go jogging in the evening..
GREAT..

at night PERHAPS read my notes (if im not distracted by my laptop)
and after tt off to bed for tmr's 8am gems lesson..
:)
superb!!

*i jus wish i cud chance upon u one day*
tsk nah wat-effs

2:41 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

2nd day of sch..

today didnt suck as much as yst..

lectures were not so bad..

enjoyable..

hmm..

hafidz ended early so he cancelled his plan of meeting me..

tsktsktsk..

but nvm..

anyway met fiks this morning b4 sch..

so much things to talk bout..

lots of catching up to do..

anyway i hurt my hand last sat while playing volleyball..

hehehe..

swollen but not painful..

darn..

i want to feel pain..

i wanna get injured..

ive not experienced pain for quite a long time..

hmmm..

i told ben tt and he said im sadistic

7:47 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Monday, October 19, 2009

ok all better now :)

hmm..
today i teared up telling peiyi wat happened..
tsk..
a lil emotional at tt point..

in sch ok la not so bad..
den otw home saw zakir so went home with him..
reached home chat with fika..
meeting her tmr morn b4 sch..
if i manage to wake up on time tt is..

hmm den jus now mir chat with me..
which made me wanna tear up again..
sad sia..another emotional moment for the day..
watever la..
den chat with khairul (my new found fren from attachment)..
he damn funny sia..
den read the funny emails zakir sent..
bloody hilarious..
laughed like mad..

after tt looked at the sentosa pics taken last sat..
like holy shit my legs look skinnier than i thought..
gosh..sud i eat more??
hmm..
i....WONT!!wahaha..
eating is a chore!!

anyway at those points, i felt like hey im way over it dude..
now..er..idk..
i feel normal..
dont feel like tearing up..
feel sooooooooooo good!!
am i back to being myself??
i hope so..
:)

11:13 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Sunday, October 18, 2009

dead and gone..

ive been killed once again..

but at least i noe tt im not a lesbian..
im a 100% straight girl who is not interested in girls but guys..
im a girl im a girl im a girl..

a weak girl now..
u killed my self esteem..
u killed everything ive gt..
u killed me..

LENA KILLED HERSELF

8:35 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

feeling empty?

sigh..
tmr school starts..
used to look forward to school..
but tts cos ive gt some form of motivation back then..
now ive gt to find a new source of motivation..

hmm..
anyway feeling darn bored..
mum didnt cook..
wanted to buy take-away but decided to jus settle with
instant noodles again jus like last night..

feeling kinda moody..
due to some reasons..
toink toink toink..
brothers all went out for fren's bbq..
except my youngest bro..
but talking to him is as gd as talking to the wall..
so yeah..

*if u forget bout it, im gona be real mad at u*

7:49 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Saturday, October 17, 2009

attachment pics!!

as promised, here are the pictures taken during my last week of attachment..
:)
the first three pics are taken on my 2nd last day
whereas the rest are taken on the last day..
(^_^)
there are no pics of owen and audrey cos they refuse to take :'(
and the other frens frm other divisions (khairul, norlin etc)
didnt get a chance to take with them..

bubbles.. :P

shermann was trying to cover his face while i was trying to catch those falling stuff..

shermann acting cute..

me and shermann again..

dennis, me and shermann (ouh and a bit of poh guat in the background)

dennis, me and shermann again (w/o poh guat this time)

poh guat and i..

last but not least, my supervisor and i (gosh i look fat!)

anyway today went to sentosa for class outing cum end of itp celebration..

haha..

as usual, no sunburn!!

hehehe..

but i fell a few times..

CLUMSY!!

currently aint got any of the pictures taken there..

its not so bad ah BUT

i felt darn lethargic..

felt breathless frequently..

am i so unfit???

cannot be la..

must be the weather..

k tts all for today..

10:38 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Friday, October 16, 2009

end of attachment..

phew finally its the end of itp..
im not exactly fully happy..
of cos im a bit sad la..
there were plenty of beautiful memories throughout these 6 weeks..

i took a few pics today..
with shermann, dennis, annie and poh guat..
wanted to take with owen but he refused..
-_-"
ouh well..
audrey refused too..
haiya..

gave thank you cards to poh guat, annie and christina..
hmm..
and well my point is, im pretty happy today..
i certainly will miss CAAS HR..
(^_^)

*will upload the pics as soon as i get them from owen*

8:39 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Thursday, October 15, 2009

while at work..

i feel so sleepy..
first day of tt time of the month..
^#%*&$)
CRAMPS..
pain pain pain..

anyway actually had nothing to do at work but yst i asked annie for sth to do..
she actually had nothing for me..
but seeing how desperate i was for work,
she gave me a simple task..
jus create an excel sheet on all the interviews held..
-_-"

ouh well..
at least it'll keep me bz and awake these last two days..
but right now, tho im supposed to be doing my excel,
i jus CANT FOCUS..
sth on my mind, desperately wanting to come out..
BUT
i cant let it out..
im trying hard to keep it in..
to the point tt i cud feel my eyes getting teary and dry again cos
of the strong aircon..

SIGH..
double sigh..
wat to do wat to do wat to do?????
:'(

*wanna scream out loud but hell no!!this is an office!!*

10:15 AM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Why,How,Cant,Perhaps,SIGH

why cant we be clear and precise??
why cant u react to situations??
why didnt u probe??
why are u so IGNORANT??

how can u take this lightly??
how can u pretend nothing's wrong??
how can u be so cool bout this??
how can u not get wat im driving at??!!

cant u recall wat happened??
cant u interpret wat im trying to tell you??
cant u understand my gestures??
cant u see wat im trying to do??

perhaps tts jus how u are..
perhaps im tinking too far..
perhaps you are jus using me and
perhaps im jus too naive..

SIGH..
now im seriously clueless..

10:56 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

haiyoyo..

sigh..

i dunno wats up with me today..

moody like shit..

so easily agitated..

but cud still control la..

den..

after tt sth happened..

haiyoyoyoyo!!

i feel so so so stupid..

seeing tt look on ur face and pretending nothing's wrong..

omg..

tt has gt to be the worst moment ive ever gt myself into..

sigh sigh sigh..

ah go sleep even better..no need to tink so much..

10:07 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Sunday, October 11, 2009

wen were we supposed to be asleep..

okie seriously sud be in bed now..
but jus couldnt sleep..
and was bloody bored..
irritants kept chatting with me..
which kinda pissed me off cos they asked stupid qns..
there were three of them and i ignored all three..
tsk..

anyway was damn bored so i asked mir to webcam with me..

and ta dah..

we were laughing away in front of our laptops

like idiots..

hahaha!!

and there were plenty of unglam pics too..

in which i would KILL mir if she uploads them anywhere..

wahahaha!!

nice nice nice

bored bored

mir's idea of a pose..

*now off to bed..*

1:48 AM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Saturday, October 10, 2009

shallow, narrow-minded and lowly freak..

hey let me tell u bout this particular girl..
she appears so nice and friendly outside,
but behind my back she spouts nonsense about ME!!

will u pls not make any baseless remarks..
if u noe nothing, shut ur bloody mouth..
dont just shoot ur mouth off like nobody's business!
and and and..
i cant believe u actually tink like them..
typical shallow girls..
narrow minded freaks..

hmph..
speaking ill of me, even tho i dont talk much to u..
we're not even close frens and u did this to me??
gosh how low can you be??
or perhaps ure doing this cos u envy me??

so wat if u've gt a bf but i dont??
im not like u..
at least i dont find a bf jus so he could support my finance..
i dont get a guy to buy me stuff
jus cos i want it badly..
i dont need a guy to finance my needs and wants..
by doing so, u're jus after ur bf's $$$..
tsk

with tt said,
i hate nobody, nobody BUT YOU girl!!

2:50 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Friday, October 9, 2009

good, better, best!!

gosh i feel so sleepy right now..

but i dont wanna sleep..

i almost fell asleep tho but i heard the msn sound

which woke me up..

tired sia..

hmm jus now at work,

ok la..had a great day tho i had a bad start..

started random talking to shermann, owen and audrey..

so fun and hilarious..

they keep laughing at how random i was,especially audrey..

and audrey also laughed at me wen i said i wanna work in the army..

hehehe..

okie anyway it was really nice talking to them..

den after work went to walk2 at t3 with shermann..

t3 so boring..

nice surrounding but like nothing special besides the interior design..

anyway met my "twin" sister, amirah aka mir for dinner..
had our usual laughs :)
hehe..nice..

and tmr we gonna watch movie!!!

yes yes yes!!!

okie im really sleepy now..

ZzZzzZ

11:36 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Thursday, October 8, 2009

i admit defeat...

sigh...
tot tt i'd feel better by chatting with ya..
but alas,
u made me feel worst instead..
are u always as insensitive as this??
although i saw a lot of ur flaws, i bring out the positivity in them..
to me ur flaws are not exactly flaws..
i told myself, ur flaws are wat made u who u are..

right now,
all i can tink about is weder or not i should tell u the truth..
but at the rate things are gg, i dont tink i should..
im jus gonna let this episode end..
end w/o any outcome..
i give up..

9:17 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

weird feeling which upsets me :'(

here i am tinking away again..

(even tho im in pain, having stomach cramps)

still about the same issue..

sigh..

i really have no idea wat i sud do or

wat im feeling right now..

tsk..

You treat me like a rose

You give me room to grow

You shone the light of love on me

And gave me air so I can breathe

You open doors that close

In a world where anything goes

You give me strength so I stand tall

Within this bed of earth

Just like a rose

Just Like a Rose - A1

sigh..

i feel lost in a maze of my own emotions..

and now i jus feel like crying..

i cant read ur mind..

i need to noe, i want to noe, i HAVE to noe..

until den, i'll jus be miserable throughout..

:'(

10:04 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

thinking and thinking..

hmm..start of this week (mon morn)
was pretty sucky..but only for a few minutes..
den it got better..
way better..

these few days ive been doing lots and lots of tinking..
bout weder or not to do certain things..
tinking of consequences..
hmm but its not draining me out tho..
at work im still pretty much hyped up..
still smiling and laughing alot..
:)

anyway attachment is ending soon..
darn..sigh..
i will really.................... hmm nvm... :P

well so im gonna make the best of this last two weeks of itp..
xoxo

*i asked for 3 of my fren's views on sth, and all of them gave me diff solutions, so wat should i do?*

9:00 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Sunday, October 4, 2009

rotten people!

ouh man..
last night i dreamt of it again..
its like a nightmare u noe..
and i cudnt stop tinking of it..
argh..
but its a gd dream la..

anyway bloody stupid donnie (my junor) is asking for it..
im so gonna get back at u..
ure so disrespectful..
jus u wait..

wats wrong with all the guys i noe??
do all of them have dirty, corrupted minds??
argh..
MONSTERS!!
so rotten!!

7:15 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Friday, October 2, 2009

4 weeks down, 2 to go!!!!

before lunch:
today was okie..
bz bz bz..
went for lunch at 1.20pm..
cos the candidate took a long time to finish her test..
BUT
shermann and owen waited with me tho i told them
they cud go off first..
*aww arent they SWEEEEEEET??*
hehehe

lunch time:
anyway went to eat at T1..
actually was no longer tt hungry but decided to jus eat..
but i cudnt decide wat to eat (as usual)
so i told shermann to get me wat he's getting..
and ta dah!!
i gt myself a VEGETARIAN meal..
cos shermann is a vegetarian..

after lunch:
ouh den accidentally printed like more than 50 pages instead of jus one page..
and annie saw it..
shitness!!
dunno weder she's mad at me..
can nvr tell cos she's gt a permanent smile on her face..
i really felt bad sia..

knock off:
went home by train instead to find out the travelling time
cos nxt week i'll start taking train..
sigh have to stand throughout the journey..
sad sia..
but at least wen go home, can go home with my
mo gu gor gor
:)

*hmm have a sudden craving for ice kacang*

8:22 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Thursday, October 1, 2009

down down down down down

i am feeling down..
really down..it will nvr happen..
its jus a dream..
two consecutive dreams in fact..

but like they say,
dreams are the exact opposite..
i bet u ppl dont understand wat im talking bout..

its jus tt..
simple things in life becomes such a chore or misery for me..
why oh why??

this isnt just bout the stupid dreams..

sigh..

well there's no point trying to explain myself anyway..

things will still be the same..

9:20 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD

Boink Boink Love And Life Moves On...
	Saturday, October 31, 2009 im sick of everything.. yst morning i felt so sick.. chest felt pain and heavy.. didnt wanna go sch but forced myself to cos had CRS to do.. otw to sch no mood, in sch also no mood.. den shermann reminded me bout the attachment allowance.. dampened my mood further.. cos im the only one who hasnt received the first batch of allowance.. :'( den tot he will make me feel better but no!! made me feel worst instead..and he cud still laugh after i told him he made me feel worst.. thx alot for tt.. tsk.. anyway reached home and AGAIN no food.. mummy wanted to fry me egg but i ignored her and straight away changed to go jogging.. after jogging cudnt breathe normally.. chest felt painful.. it took bout more than 1 hour b4 i cud breathe normally again.. ouh and fik cancelled her plan to come over to my area cos of the rain.. wasted.. hmm but its okie there's always nxt time :) den at night darn bored while waiting for my laptop to complete scanning for threats.. so i texted a sweet msg to 44 people in my contacts.. nothing to do mah so decided to brighten up their day/night :P hehehe.. trying to redeem urself again??take a hike dude 12:49 AM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Thursday, October 29, 2009 im who i am so dont give me tt look.. woah im so mad at those stupid judgemental malays!! this is my life, my body.. i have every right to wear watever i want.. so dont give me tt look jus cos of wat i was wearing today.. roll eyes you! i tink u're jus jealous cos u cant wear the kinda clothes i wore.. seeing how "dirty" ur arms are.. tts the only reason there cud ever be.. hah!! tsk nonsense!! anyway at least ive gt a gd heart.. wat u see outside may not necessarily determine wat is inside.. 7:57 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Wednesday, October 28, 2009 wish i cud stay away.. today was pretty boring.. had 2-hour lecture only.. stayed in sch to talk to jolyn and company.. den while they discussed their CRS, i read my notes and did my tutorial.. met mir at bugis.. gosh i felt so out of place clad in fbt and oversized tshirt.. -_-" but ouh well.. den we headed down to seng kang to have dinner.. my FIRST proper meal after more than a wk.. seriously, i haven had rice for more than a wk!! (call me crazy if need to but eating is a chore to me) anyway reached home and all the shit starts.. if it wasnt chohari making a din, it'd be my bro and his wife.. wth.. quarrel quarrel and quarrel.. no peace at all.. i ALMOST lost my temper and wanted to bloody shout at both of them.. i was tt close to bursting out!! but i managed to contain it in.. sigh.. at times like this i jus wish i cud stay away frm home.. besides, each time i reached home the past few days, it doesnt feel like home.. nah watever.. are u.....??do u.....??why shld i care??ouh wait..maybe cos u lied??HMPH LIAR** 9:20 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Tuesday, October 27, 2009 BEAUTIFUL DAY today is such a wonderful day for me.. class start at 1.30 but i met khairul during his lunch.. hahaha.. he damn funny la.. i laughed a lot sia.. so anyway slacked with him till arnd 1pm or slightly b4.. great time with him tho we'd only been frens for 7 weeks and counting?? thx khairul for spending time with me :) den met mamat after tt and he slacked with me till 1.30pm.. he brought apple for me.. thank goodness cos i didnt get to eat my papaya today.. hehehe.. thx mamat.. :) den didnt pay much attention during lecture.. was talking crap instead.. wahahaha.. but tutorial i concentrated leh! after sch met hafidz.. he waited for me sey.. hehehe.. thx dude!! so overall great day!!! 8:08 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Monday, October 26, 2009 great monday wth.. i realised tt most of my frens' blogs are all DEAD!! gosh!! ppl come on.. keep ur blogs alive!! anyway had a pretty gd day.. saw owen in the morning at mac but i was late for class so decided not to say hi but texted him instead.. hahaha den during break ate at fc3.. (i only had a papaya) saw khairul.. but pretended not to see him.. wahahaha.. den i saw shermann's short fren as well.. i dunno wats his name.. hmm..but he's really short and small size (and he's 20yrs old!!he looks like a small kid) cool rite.. i saw three of my attachment frens today.. hehehe.. ok i noe there's nothing cool bout tt.. -_-" hmm anyway great day.. tmr will be better i hope :) 10:11 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Friday, October 23, 2009 all sorts of feeling.. took lots and lots and lots of pics today.. had a pretty gd day until...... you, yes YOU!! spoilt my mood.. ure jus a liar and a pretender.. i cant express how mad i am at u but the anger i felt made me confused instead.. cos all i cud ask myself was "why??" why the hell did u say wat u said?? anyway watever.. reached home mummy didnt cook AGAIN.. and she said she'll cook me some sausages to eat.. (not in the mood for sausages) thus my mood dampened further.. so went jogging to release all the stress, discontentment and anger.. came back sweaty like shit and didnt eat anything.. den went online to upload pics on fb and there YOU were.. trying to redeem urself i suppose.. watever la.. i dont care anymore.. do watever u want.. anyway here're some of my favorite pics taken today :) 8:28 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Wednesday, October 21, 2009 keeping myself occupied today went to sch for a mere 2 hours.. so now im alrdy at home with nothing to do.. wanted to read up my notes but guess i'll do it later.. hmm.. i kinda miss so and so at times.. but i force myself not to.. so im trying to keep myself occupied.. cool.. my lil bro's back.. i wanna ask him to play badminton with me.. and perhaps i'll go jogging in the evening.. GREAT.. at night PERHAPS read my notes (if im not distracted by my laptop) and after tt off to bed for tmr's 8am gems lesson.. :) superb!! i jus wish i cud chance upon u one day tsk nah wat-effs 2:41 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Tuesday, October 20, 2009 2nd day of sch.. today didnt suck as much as yst.. lectures were not so bad.. enjoyable.. :) hmm.. hafidz ended early so he cancelled his plan of meeting me.. tsktsktsk.. but nvm.. anyway met fiks this morning b4 sch.. so much things to talk bout.. lots of catching up to do.. anyway i hurt my hand last sat while playing volleyball.. hehehe.. swollen but not painful.. darn.. i want to feel pain.. i wanna get injured.. ive not experienced pain for quite a long time.. hmmm.. i told ben tt and he said im sadistic :P 7:47 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Monday, October 19, 2009 ok all better now :) hmm.. today i teared up telling peiyi wat happened.. tsk.. a lil emotional at tt point.. in sch ok la not so bad.. den otw home saw zakir so went home with him.. reached home chat with fika.. meeting her tmr morn b4 sch.. if i manage to wake up on time tt is.. hmm den jus now mir chat with me.. which made me wanna tear up again.. sad sia..another emotional moment for the day.. watever la.. den chat with khairul (my new found fren from attachment).. he damn funny sia.. den read the funny emails zakir sent.. bloody hilarious.. laughed like mad.. after tt looked at the sentosa pics taken last sat.. like holy shit my legs look skinnier than i thought.. gosh..sud i eat more?? hmm.. i....WONT!!wahaha.. eating is a chore!! anyway at those points, i felt like hey im way over it dude.. now..er..idk.. i feel normal.. dont feel like tearing up.. feel sooooooooooo good!! am i back to being myself?? i hope so.. :) 11:13 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Sunday, October 18, 2009 dead and gone.. ive been killed once again.. but at least i noe tt im not a lesbian.. im a 100% straight girl who is not interested in girls but guys.. im a girl im a girl im a girl.. a weak girl now.. u killed my self esteem.. u killed everything ive gt.. u killed me.. LENA KILLED HERSELF 8:35 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD feeling empty? sigh.. tmr school starts.. used to look forward to school.. but tts cos ive gt some form of motivation back then.. now ive gt to find a new source of motivation.. hmm.. anyway feeling darn bored.. mum didnt cook.. wanted to buy take-away but decided to jus settle with instant noodles again jus like last night.. feeling kinda moody.. due to some reasons.. toink toink toink.. brothers all went out for fren's bbq.. except my youngest bro.. but talking to him is as gd as talking to the wall.. so yeah.. if u forget bout it, im gona be real mad at u 7:49 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Saturday, October 17, 2009 attachment pics!! as promised, here are the pictures taken during my last week of attachment.. :) the first three pics are taken on my 2nd last day whereas the rest are taken on the last day.. (^_^) there are no pics of owen and audrey cos they refuse to take :'( and the other frens frm other divisions (khairul, norlin etc) didnt get a chance to take with them.. bubbles.. :P shermann was trying to cover his face while i was trying to catch those falling stuff.. shermann acting cute.. me and shermann again.. dennis, me and shermann (ouh and a bit of poh guat in the background) dennis, me and shermann again (w/o poh guat this time) poh guat and i.. last but not least, my supervisor and i (gosh i look fat!) anyway today went to sentosa for class outing cum end of itp celebration.. haha.. as usual, no sunburn!! hehehe.. but i fell a few times.. CLUMSY!! currently aint got any of the pictures taken there.. its not so bad ah BUT i felt darn lethargic.. felt breathless frequently.. am i so unfit??? cannot be la.. must be the weather.. :P k tts all for today.. 10:38 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Friday, October 16, 2009 end of attachment.. phew finally its the end of itp.. im not exactly fully happy.. of cos im a bit sad la.. there were plenty of beautiful memories throughout these 6 weeks.. i took a few pics today.. with shermann, dennis, annie and poh guat.. wanted to take with owen but he refused.. -_-" ouh well.. audrey refused too.. haiya.. gave thank you cards to poh guat, annie and christina.. hmm.. and well my point is, im pretty happy today.. i certainly will miss CAAS HR.. (^_^) will upload the pics as soon as i get them from owen 8:39 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Thursday, October 15, 2009 while at work.. i feel so sleepy.. first day of tt time of the month.. ^#%&$) CRAMPS.. pain pain pain.. anyway actually had nothing to do at work but yst i asked annie for sth to do.. she actually had nothing for me.. but seeing how desperate i was for work, she gave me a simple task.. jus create an excel sheet on all the interviews held.. -_-" ouh well.. at least it'll keep me bz and awake these last two days.. but right now, tho im supposed to be doing my excel, i jus CANT FOCUS.. sth on my mind, desperately wanting to come out.. BUT* i cant let it out.. im trying hard to keep it in.. to the point tt i cud feel my eyes getting teary and dry again cos of the strong aircon.. SIGH.. double sigh.. wat to do wat to do wat to do????? :'( wanna scream out loud but hell no!!this is an office!! 10:15 AM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Wednesday, October 14, 2009 Why,How,Cant,Perhaps,SIGH why cant we be clear and precise?? why cant u react to situations?? why didnt u probe?? why are u so IGNORANT?? how can u take this lightly?? how can u pretend nothing's wrong?? how can u be so cool bout this?? how can u not get wat im driving at??!! cant u recall wat happened?? cant u interpret wat im trying to tell you?? cant u understand my gestures?? cant u see wat im trying to do?? perhaps tts jus how u are.. perhaps im tinking too far.. perhaps you are jus using me and perhaps im jus too naive.. SIGH.. now im seriously clueless.. 10:56 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Tuesday, October 13, 2009 haiyoyo.. sigh.. i dunno wats up with me today.. moody like shit.. so easily agitated.. but cud still control la.. den.. after tt sth happened.. haiyoyoyoyo!! i feel so so so stupid.. seeing tt look on ur face and pretending nothing's wrong.. omg.. tt has gt to be the worst moment ive ever gt myself into.. sigh sigh sigh.. ah go sleep even better..no need to tink so much.. 10:07 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Sunday, October 11, 2009 wen were we supposed to be asleep.. okie seriously sud be in bed now.. but jus couldnt sleep.. and was bloody bored.. irritants kept chatting with me.. which kinda pissed me off cos they asked stupid qns.. there were three of them and i ignored all three.. tsk.. anyway was damn bored so i asked mir to webcam with me.. and ta dah.. we were laughing away in front of our laptops like idiots.. hahaha!! and there were plenty of unglam pics too.. in which i would KILL mir if she uploads them anywhere.. wahahaha!! nice nice nice bored bored mir's idea of a pose.. now off to bed.. 1:48 AM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Saturday, October 10, 2009 shallow, narrow-minded and lowly freak.. hey let me tell u bout this particular girl.. she appears so nice and friendly outside, but behind my back she spouts nonsense about ME!! will u pls not make any baseless remarks.. if u noe nothing, shut ur bloody mouth.. dont just shoot ur mouth off like nobody's business! and and and.. i cant believe u actually tink like them.. typical shallow girls.. narrow minded freaks.. hmph.. speaking ill of me, even tho i dont talk much to u.. we're not even close frens and u did this to me?? gosh how low can you be?? or perhaps ure doing this cos u envy me?? so wat if u've gt a bf but i dont?? im not like u.. at least i dont find a bf jus so he could support my finance.. i dont get a guy to buy me stuff jus cos i want it badly.. i dont need a guy to finance my needs and wants.. by doing so, u're jus after ur bf's $$$.. tsk with tt said, i hate nobody, nobody BUT YOU girl!! 2:50 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Friday, October 9, 2009 good, better, best!! gosh i feel so sleepy right now.. but i dont wanna sleep.. i almost fell asleep tho but i heard the msn sound which woke me up.. tired sia.. hmm jus now at work, ok la..had a great day tho i had a bad start.. started random talking to shermann, owen and audrey.. so fun and hilarious.. they keep laughing at how random i was,especially audrey.. and audrey also laughed at me wen i said i wanna work in the army.. hehehe.. okie anyway it was really nice talking to them.. den after work went to walk2 at t3 with shermann.. t3 so boring.. nice surrounding but like nothing special besides the interior design.. anyway met my "twin" sister, amirah aka mir for dinner.. had our usual laughs :) hehe..nice.. and tmr we gonna watch movie!!! yes yes yes!!! okie im really sleepy now.. ZzZzzZ 11:36 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Thursday, October 8, 2009 i admit defeat... sigh... tot tt i'd feel better by chatting with ya.. but alas, u made me feel worst instead.. are u always as insensitive as this?? although i saw a lot of ur flaws, i bring out the positivity in them.. to me ur flaws are not exactly flaws.. i told myself, ur flaws are wat made u who u are.. right now, all i can tink about is weder or not i should tell u the truth.. but at the rate things are gg, i dont tink i should.. im jus gonna let this episode end.. end w/o any outcome.. i give up.. 9:17 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Wednesday, October 7, 2009 weird feeling which upsets me :'( here i am tinking away again.. (even tho im in pain, having stomach cramps) still about the same issue.. sigh.. i really have no idea wat i sud do or wat im feeling right now.. tsk.. You treat me like a rose You give me room to grow You shone the light of love on me And gave me air so I can breathe You open doors that close In a world where anything goes You give me strength so I stand tall Within this bed of earth Just like a rose Just Like a Rose - A1 sigh.. i feel lost in a maze of my own emotions.. and now i jus feel like crying.. i cant read ur mind.. i need to noe, i want to noe, i HAVE to noe.. until den, i'll jus be miserable throughout.. :'( 10:04 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Tuesday, October 6, 2009 thinking and thinking.. hmm..start of this week (mon morn) was pretty sucky..but only for a few minutes.. den it got better.. way better.. these few days ive been doing lots and lots of tinking.. bout weder or not to do certain things.. tinking of consequences.. hmm but its not draining me out tho.. at work im still pretty much hyped up.. still smiling and laughing alot.. :) anyway attachment is ending soon.. darn..sigh.. i will really.................... hmm nvm... :P well so im gonna make the best of this last two weeks of itp.. xoxo i asked for 3 of my fren's views on sth, and all of them gave me diff solutions, so wat should i do? 9:00 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Sunday, October 4, 2009 rotten people! ouh man.. last night i dreamt of it again.. its like a nightmare u noe.. and i cudnt stop tinking of it.. argh.. but its a gd dream la.. anyway bloody stupid donnie (my junor) is asking for it.. im so gonna get back at u.. ure so disrespectful.. jus u wait.. wats wrong with all the guys i noe?? do all of them have dirty, corrupted minds?? argh.. MONSTERS!! so rotten!! 7:15 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Friday, October 2, 2009 4 weeks down, 2 to go!!!! before lunch: today was okie.. bz bz bz.. went for lunch at 1.20pm.. cos the candidate took a long time to finish her test.. BUT shermann and owen waited with me tho i told them they cud go off first.. aww arent they SWEEEEEEET?? hehehe lunch time: anyway went to eat at T1.. actually was no longer tt hungry but decided to jus eat.. but i cudnt decide wat to eat (as usual) so i told shermann to get me wat he's getting.. and ta dah!! i gt myself a VEGETARIAN meal.. cos shermann is a vegetarian.. after lunch: ouh den accidentally printed like more than 50 pages instead of jus one page.. and annie saw it.. shitness!! dunno weder she's mad at me.. can nvr tell cos she's gt a permanent smile on her face.. i really felt bad sia.. knock off: went home by train instead to find out the travelling time cos nxt week i'll start taking train.. sigh have to stand throughout the journey.. sad sia.. but at least wen go home, can go home with my mo gu gor gor :) hmm have a sudden craving for ice kacang 8:22 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD Thursday, October 1, 2009 down down down down down i am feeling down.. really down..it will nvr happen.. its jus a dream.. two consecutive dreams in fact.. but like they say, dreams are the exact opposite.. i bet u ppl dont understand wat im talking bout.. its jus tt.. simple things in life becomes such a chore or misery for me.. why oh why?? this isnt just bout the stupid dreams.. sigh.. well there's no point trying to explain myself anyway.. things will still be the same.. 9:20 PM UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD	HER LeNa 15 July 1991 HAS OBESOPHOBIA loves Gummies LiNkS ♥ FAMILY ZaM ♥ WEIRDO!! NEXY?? ♥ DEPM02 DEPM 02 GhOsT(PeiYi) JaZrEeL JiEtInG RaeYi TiNgLeOnG ViViEn YuHua ♥ SP MATES ABE CLUB FaR HaZiQaH/aRi HeLmI iFFa NaD NaS NaShRuL NeSaAr nOrLiN ShErMaNn Zara ♥ EX-SKSS aIdEeL AMIRAWR Elly Tan FiRhAn HaFiZ JoLyN SnG KhAiRuL Zonkers Lair ♥ OTHER PALS HaFiZ SuKoR JaCk LiNa MaMaT RoNg RuDy SaLiZa sYaMiLaH MeMoRiEs May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 May 2011 November 2011 April 2012 LaLaLaLa Music Playlist at MixPod.com CrEdItS Biggest credit: the bikini boy Editor: JollyPills/:B