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And Life Moves On...
Monday, January 31, 2011
i got kicked when im alrdy down. how can i get up?


arrows came shooting at me from all direction today..
in school,
there were problems with slides..
such a simple task..
two slides yet, there can still be mistakes..

home,
bros and mum quarrelled..
mum cried..
thats when i know, today is not the day for me to open up to her..
she needs her time alone..
she doesnt wanna talk to anyone..
:(
not even me..

at the same time,
im dealing with my own set of aches..
ive been tearing up..
since last night??
i cant help it..
my tears wont stop flowing..
i no longer know what exactly im feeling..
i wanna numb myself..
just try to put things aside..
even for a moment..
but its not working..

i feel like ive fallen..
fallen into a deep pit..
i just wanna stop everything..
ive became lost and confused..
idk what exactly is the core issue..

its 7pm..
pls stop torturing me..
pls..
i cant take it anymore..
i cant stop this vulnerable side of me..
i cant..
i just cant..
i dont know what to say or do..
maybe i just need some sleep..
sigh..

hope i'll be able to update again tmr, or the day after..
anytime, anyday..
idk..

6:48 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD


Saturday, January 29, 2011
its just me, myself and i


is that enough??
frankly, ive nvr felt more lonely in my life..
even if ive ever been as lonely as this,
back then, there was a reason for it..
but now,
no there's no reason why i should be all alone..
but unfortunately,
i still am..

its alright..
i will go through this..
i will..
i'll be my knight in shining armour..
i'll be my own saviour..

10:34 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD


Friday, January 28, 2011
hope tmr's weather is perfect


hi..
ive got cough..
and i have no idea why but the top of my left eye hurts alot..
the pain is pretty annoying..

anyway i wanna play basketball tmr..
hopefully it doesnt rain tmr evening so tt i'll be able to play..
bbon have to meet his mum tmr evening anyway..
ouh well..
and idk if we're still gonna meet in the day..
if we're not, then i guess it doesnt matter..
i could try to find something to do..
=/

my last paper will be on 2nd march..
cant wait to get sch over and done with..
im sick of school shits..
anyway whatever..

i dont feel like taking any calls or texts the remaining of today..
so bye..

6:27 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD


Tuesday, January 25, 2011
???


what that person said actually made sense..
ouh well..
i dont know..
all im thinking of now is....well actually im not thinking of anything..
my mind's blank..

i just went for a jog earlier..
i kept jogging and jogging but i didnt feel tired at all..
hmm..
weird..
first time..
i could go on and on..
but it started drizzling..
so i stopped..
then i stoned for a few minutes when i reached home..
no panting at all..
whats wrong lena??

8:02 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD


Monday, January 24, 2011
brand new, fresh week!


hi..
:)
its a brand new week..
had a short chat with siddiq in the train just now..
well..hmm..
as always, he kinda made me think of things which ive alrdy
thought about before but have not really came to a conclusion yet..
but tts not the point..

my point is about PRIORITIES..
but whatever..
im not gonna dwell so much on it..
sometimes its wise not to think too much..

alright so anyway, im happy..
happy with or about what??
idk and i dont really care..
what i know is im just happy..
putting all my miseries aside..
a good start to a brand new week..

YEAH!
i love me!!

5:00 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD


Thursday, January 20, 2011
our 3rd..


ok hello..
its 20th Jan 2011..
our 3rd month together..
sigh..
we arent gonna meet again this month..

bbon wanna work overtime with manaf today..
ouh well..
i guess meeting him a while yst sort of made up for not meeting today??
doesnt matter..
afterall..what could we possibly do even if we meet??
=/

anyway nothing else for me to say..
its like just any ordinary day..
and whats worst is i end school early today..
so what am i gonna do??
urgh..
no mood no mood..
alright tts it then..

toodles..

12:01 AM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD


Tuesday, January 18, 2011
this isnt the first and i bet it isnt the last!


i am kinda mad..
>:(
i know im supposed to be understanding..
but fuck it la..
maybe im mood swinging..
but i dont care..
i still feel sore!

forget it..
im not gonna say anything..
its better to just contain everything..
hmph!!

10:19 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD


Monday, January 17, 2011
22's the number!


bbon is 22!!

happy birthday to you..
happy birthday to you..
happy birthday to RYAN..
happy birthday to you..

hmm..
thanks bbon for letting me be a part of ur birthday..
wo ai ni!!
i love you!!
syg kamu!!
:)

lol..
bbon's using fb mobile to reply to all the birthday wishes on his fb wall..
OMG!!
freaking slow..
im done blogging, he's still not even halfway through..
hahaha!!

11:20 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD


Saturday, January 15, 2011
i wish u were dead


wtf??
seriously..
chohari ure better off dead..
whats becoming of everyone in this household??
everyone's becoming selfish and turning against one another..
is that what family should be??
now u know why i hate hari raya??
cos hari raya holds no meaning if the family doesnt stand as one..
anyway thats not my point..

ny fucking point is that chohari's such a whore..
ok not a whore literally but he's worst than tt..
and mummy..
why doesnt she ever speak up??
do you know how much i dread staying here??
sometimes i wish im far away from home..
i dont care if im all alone..

and sometimes i hope i can just go to another country
and reside there..
ALONE!!
but no..i'll get fucking lonely..
but i still just wanna leave this house..
leave this STUPID house..
for now, its just a roof for me..
it holds no significance..
i hate chohari cos he's the core of my hatred towards every other person..

12:29 AM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD


Friday, January 14, 2011
i should get to bed


hello!!
i told bbon i'll go to bed by 2300hrs..
but its alrdy 0017hrs now..
i cant sleep..
so i thought of blogging..
aint have lesson later..
but there's a site visit to changi murals!!
excited!!
anyway..
siddiq kept the picture of him, fana and i which was taken
after we played pool last term in his wallet!!
aww..sweet isnt it??
:)
we are BFFs!!
ok besides that, let's see..
i love bbon dearly!!
he's been working very hard lately..
tough on him..
i wanna pinch his cheeks!!
haha..
ok..now im kinda sleepy..
toodles..
ZzzzZzZzzzZZz

12:06 AM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD


Wednesday, January 12, 2011
done with negotiation role play


ok hello people..
today had negotiation role play..
it was alright i guess..
was supposed to wear formal..
but i sort of made myself a little more informal..
hahaha..

but turns out, siddiq, fana and peiyi said it looks more like
a clubbing outfit..
after which fana and peiyi started making fun of it,
saying about the stars on it are like
"blink blink" and
"can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars" -.-
there's worst..hahaha but i shall not mention it :)

so anyway what i was wearing was my formal skirt,
slitted on the left,
and a sleeveless black top with a white tube (as shown in the pic)
and a brown belt :)
pretty!! but i think i look kinda fat :/
ouh well..ok now i am craving for chocolates..
gosh so random :P


7:44 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD


Sunday, January 9, 2011
boohoo!


:(
im bored..
think not gonna go out today..
ive already told fana im not free cos initially had plans with bbon and manaf..
now dont think the plan is still on :(
fana made plans alrdy..
so ive got no plans!!!!

argh!
bored bored bored..
ok bye!
im gonna climb onto bed and talk to my stuffed toys..
:(

2:02 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD


Thursday, January 6, 2011


"words coming out of ppl's mouth are nothing but
plain verbal sounds which may or may not mean anything.."

8:19 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD


Wednesday, January 5, 2011
what a day..


i was no longer frustrated with fyp cos its alrdy submitted..
ive had enough of feeling down and frustrated since i left school..
i had my late dinner just to make myself feel better
though i didnt have an appetite..

i wanted to drop by cause you planned to meet me initially..
didnt get to meet cause i was held up in sch for fyp..
tts why i wanted to drop by..
but you didnt want me to..

i wanted to do sth for you..
be the one to meet instead of it always being you..
yet you dont even allow tt..
you even had to write it on fb about what happened..
yeah it makes you feel good doesnt it??

sure..it doesnt matter that i saw it and felt even more hurt than i alrdy was..
it doesnt matter that all i wanted and could think about after a stressful day
in school was to meet you cos i missed you..
all tt doesnt matter..
i dont matter at all..

i know im a difficult person..
i know im not like all the other girls..
and i know she doesnt like me..
i know..
i realise..

if you hate the way i am,
im telling you, i hate myself more than anybody else..

9:18 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD


Sunday, January 2, 2011
tmr school's in but i dont feel like going..


i dunno what to feel anymore..
im numbing myself..
trying not to get affected by it..but you know what??
its easier said than done..

just what wrong have i done??
there arent any interuption when the others were arnd,
but there nvr fail to be at least one when the rest arent arnd..
why??
why do you detest me so much??

cause you think im a liability??
i assure you, im not..
i dont want to and wont be a liability..
just please, spare me the hurt and the feeling that
im after something cause im not..

its so painful..
it hurts more than falling out of love..
maybe its karma but this is far worst than what they experienced..

crying my heart out isnt enough..
jogging my lungs out doesnt numb my pain..
starving myself is suicidal and i dont want that..
but i have no appetite..
sigh..

9:38 PM
UnDeRsToOdEdOoDeD